Dear Friends,
I have had the privilege of speaking about the pro-life issue at many venues across the country and even internationally, but nothing quite prepared me for what I experienced recently when our friends over at Coalition Life asked me to speak at their prayer rally at the St. Louis Planned Parenthood.
It was a beautiful but windy day as the city buzzed around us. There were probably thirty of us gathered to peacefully pray together, while a handful of speakers offered words of encouragement and inspiring stories to those in attendance and those watching online. I was blessed to be one of those speakers, and as I stood there waiting for my turn, I watched car after car turn into the Planned Parenthood parking lot. They were busier than they had been in months because surgical abortions have fully resumed in Missouri. One thing I observed over and over again . . . women drove up in their cars for their abortion appointments . . . alone.
As I stepped up to the microphone to offer words of hope and encouragement, tears filled my eyes, and I felt a lump in my throat. My heart ached so badly for the women who were pulling in the drive right beside me, knowing how close they were to ending the lives of their children. In that moment, I also felt an overwhelming ache for their babies, and, maybe not so obviously, I also felt heartbreak for the men who were visibly absent.
I silently prayed for the Lord to help me fight through my emotions and push on using the notes I had prepared. I shared about ways to show up and change the culture with compassion, courage and consistency that Vitae Research has proven to be effective. While giving examples along the way that included my own son’s experience with an unexpected pregnancy, I wrapped up with something God has been placing on so many hearts here at Vitae Foundation: men.
Dozens of eyes locked with mine as I shared about some discoveries we have had from recent studies regarding the words a man chooses when a woman comes to him to share that she is pregnant. You see, our society has stripped men of their masculinity, plain and simple. The pro-abortion advocates have told men that they have no say when it comes to a woman considering abortion. That same culture has told men, in contradiction to their natural inclination of protection, that the compassionate thing to say when she shares about her pregnancy with him is, “I will support you no matter what you choose.”
However, the respondents in our research projects shared that those words actually made women feel more stressed, like the responsibility was being thrown back for them to shoulder . . . alone . . . much like the women driving into that Planned Parenthood parking lot. Friends, there is no compassion in that response.
One statement in particular made the audience lean in. I told them, “If a woman wanted to go through with the abortion, she would have done it without telling him.” Our current laws and culture have made that path relatively easy.
The only reason a woman tells her partner is to give him a shot to say something as simple as, “We can figure this out together. I am not sure what this looks like, but I will help you be the best mom possible, and I will be the best dad possible. You are not alone.”
THAT message is full of compassion. Do you see the difference?
The looks on people’s faces and the conversations that followed are indicative of what we know: our recent research has uncovered some new needs in the pro-life movement. Years ago, our research illuminated a need to shift focus from the baby to the woman facing the unexpected pregnancy, recognizing that to save more lives, the woman needed someone to see her and talk with her about her.
Now, we’ve recognized that we need additional Emotional Research to understand how to talk with him about her, helping a man to understand what to say should he find himself facing an unexpected pregnancy with his partner. We have focused on empowering women for decades, and young men need some guidance as well in a culture that has emasculated them and stripped them of their voice.
The days of women having to navigate this decision by themselves should be over. It’s time for men to step into their roles as fathers, so that no woman is facing an abortion decision alone. Will you join us in this new fight?
Brandy Meeks
President & CEO