As much as it ages me to say, I became a young adult just as the internet was becoming popular. As I explored “the web” (again, aging myself), I suddenly found myself amidst many worldviews much different from my own. As I encountered social media posts, articles or blogs that I disagreed with, I did what any young (and fiercely opinionated) person did: I became what is well known today as a “keyboard warrior.”
At the time, it felt noble. I believed that if I could just present people with truth and logic, I could persuade them. I spent years defending Christianity online, particularly as movements like “New Atheism” grew in popularity. But over time, I realized something important: even if you present the truth clearly and respectfully, you may still fail to change a person’s mind.
In my work as a social media manager, I see this same pattern unfold repeatedly. Passionate pro-life advocates post facts about fetal development, quote Scripture or cite medical science, only to be met with silence, dismissal or outright hostility.
Why is that?
Because people don’t change their minds simply because facts are presented to them. Changing hearts and minds is a process, grounded in emotional safety, identity, trust and stories that personalize the issue and build understanding and empathy.
Vitae Foundation’s research affirms this. Most women today don’t see abortion as black and white. They’re navigating complex emotional, relational and financial realities and often evaluate the morality of abortion based on the pregnant woman’s circumstances. If we want to help people re-examine their views on abortion, we must lead with understanding, not confrontation.
Here are five research-backed strategies, rooted in psychology, neuroscience and compassion that can help you engage others effectively:
1. Keep your emotions in check—no matter what.
Why it matters:
Neuroscience shows people only begin to question their beliefs when they feel safe doing so. If you come across as hostile, sarcastic or combative (even unintentionally), they’ll shut down. And once they’ve become defensive, you lose the opportunity to plant a seed in their mind.
What this looks like in practice:
- Stay calm when someone makes an inflammatory comment like, “Pro-lifers just want to control women.” Respond with, “I understand how it might look that way. I care deeply about women too. Can I ask you how you came to believe that?”
- Avoid “gotcha” moments or debate-style zingers. These win points but lose people.
Remember: Once someone feels threatened, the part of their brain responsible for reasoning shuts down. If the conversation gets heated, your chance to make an impact disappears.
2. Watch your nonverbal communication.
Why it matters:
Up to 90% of communication is nonverbal. This is critical in person, but it also applies online through tone, punctuation and word choice. When speaking face-to-face, your body language and facial expressions must be as non-threatening as possible. Hostile tones, such as speaking with sarcasm or raising your volume, can signal judgment or aggression, even if your words seem neutral. These cues can quickly trigger defensiveness, making meaningful dialogue nearly impossible.
What this looks like in practice:
- In person: Keep a relaxed posture, nod as they speak and maintain a gentle expression. Speak with a steady, calm voice.
- Online: Avoid ALL CAPS, excessive exclamation points (“That’s murder!”) or harsh phrasing. Ask clarifying questions instead of asserting.
Example:
Instead of replying to a post with, “How can you support killing babies?” try:
“That’s such a difficult situation. I’m curious…what shaped your view on this?”
Tone can either open doors or slam them shut.
3. Lead with empathy
Why it matters:
People’s beliefs are often tied to their social identity. Challenging those beliefs can feel like a personal attack. But empathy disarms defensiveness and creates space for reflection.
What this looks like in practice:
Say: “That makes sense, especially if you’ve known someone who had an abortion.”
Ask: “What experiences have shaped your perspective on abortion?”
Reflect back: “It sounds like you care a lot about women feeling safe and supported.”
This doesn’t mean you have to agree. It means you’re willing to understand. That empathy builds a relational bridge, and people are more willing to walk across it when they feel seen and heard.
4. Harness the power of storytelling.
Why it matters:
Stories trigger the release of oxytocin, a neurochemical that increases empathy and trust. Facts may inform, but stories transform. When someone tells a meaningful personal story, we naturally assign it authenticity and value because you can’t argue with what actually happened to someone.
What this looks like in practice:
Instead of saying, “Abortion ends a human life,” say:
“I once met a woman who had an abortion in college. She felt like she had no other option. She was scared, alone, and unsupported. What struck me was how much she still thinks about that decision today, a decision she thought would solve everything.”
- Share why this issue matters to you personally.
- If relevant, share a redemption story: a woman who chose life and found community support, or a father who stepped up when he was scared.
Stories humanize the issue in a way that raw information cannot, and personal truths are harder to dispute than abstract facts.
5. Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions.
Why it matters:
Jesus asked over 300 questions in the Gospels. He didn’t do it to gather information, but to expose assumptions, prompt self-reflection and lead people gently toward truth.
In the Gospel of Mark, we read about one Sabbath when Jesus entered the synagogue and noticed a man with a shriveled hand. The Pharisees watched Him closely to see if He would heal the man on the Sabbath so they might accuse Him of breaking God’s law. Jesus asked, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save a life or to kill?” (Mark 3:4). They gave no response. To defend their rigid view would have exposed their lack of compassion and disregard for the value of human life.
With one question, Jesus prompted them to reflect on what truly mattered and why they believed what they did.
What this looks like in practice:
Someone says: “Abortion is about bodily autonomy.”
You respond: “That’s a powerful argument. I’m curious how you think that plays out later in pregnancy?”
Someone says: “I’d never have one, but I wouldn’t take that choice from someone else.”
You ask: “What do you think makes abortion wrong for you, personally?”
Why it works:
Questions invite introspection. They shift the person from being defensive to becoming reflective.
Remember: Your goal isn’t to “win” an argument. It’s to plant a seed that may bloom with time.
Final Thoughts: Gentleness Over Force
I learned the hard way that deeply held beliefs aren’t changed instantaneously by saying the right thing. Changing a person’s mind about abortion is much like evangelism: you may not see the fruit, but you can plant and water the seed.
The good news is that people are still hungry for truth, meaning and connection.
If we approach pro-choice individuals the way Jesus approached others, with questions, gentleness and love, we just might help them take a step closer to the truth.
Let’s strive to follow Jesus’s example and lead with gentleness, not force.
Sources:
- McRaney, David. How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion. Portfolio/Penguin, 2022.
- Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2011. https://archive.org/details/DanielKahnemanThinkingFastAndSlow
Meet Ahna and her high-school sweetheart, Garrett. A young couple who, though terrified, chose life. Their story is a powerful example of a young man stepping into his role as a father with the help of a supportive community. Read their full story here.